It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
