i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
