I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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