we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
