I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
