Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
