For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
