she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
