You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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