Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
