I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
