I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
