No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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