I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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