Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
