Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
