My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize