): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
