they're like a gay fantastic four
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I need moral support for this bender
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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