break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
