I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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