Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
