I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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