My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
