So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
thus making me awesome and them whores
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
