Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
