i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
