I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize