I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
