i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
