I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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