oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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