Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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