it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
