I think I died a long time ago.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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