She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
