just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
