i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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