He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
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My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
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And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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