what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
