do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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