WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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