Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
