I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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