for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
