you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
