I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
