i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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