I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize