you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
