I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
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my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
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Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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