i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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