don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
