Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
