she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
