I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
