No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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