i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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