im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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